almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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