i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
