if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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