If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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