Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
