So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
