My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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