i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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