just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
