John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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