I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
