Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
