So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
