I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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