best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
