What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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