Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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