We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
