They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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