Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
