office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
