i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
