bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
