im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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