i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
