just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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