it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
