You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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