Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
