The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
