How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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