i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
