Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
