I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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