so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
