He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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