I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
