My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
