Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
