My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
