I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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