I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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