with your own penis?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
