Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
