How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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