I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
