i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
