Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
