I just cut my nipple shaving
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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