Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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