someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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